


And when I looked to the blue moon it turned to gold

by TotemundTabu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Female Ejaculation, Fisting, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Oral Sex, Squirting, Trans Keith (Voltron), Vaginal Fingering, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 02:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12470972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotemundTabu/pseuds/TotemundTabu
Summary: " His fingers trembled on her skin; his clothes felt like stone, heavy with the sweat and the need to disappear. And yet they were a shield – an armor and a prison altogether. "  - Keith/Allura, FTM!Keith - Keith has to find a way to come out to his princess, but the fear of rejection takes over too easily. - TW: dysphoria, bad coming out etiquette, implied/referenced eds and self-harm through gym





	And when I looked to the blue moon it turned to gold

**And when I looked to the blue moon it turned to gold**

 

* * *

 

 

_So I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, until my voice was gone ,_

_I believed what I shouldn't have, I don't know why …_

_These memories are nothing to me, just salt._

 

* * *

 

 

Allura, well, she wouldn't understand it well.

And Keith thinks it's better that way.

Allura is already the type of person who, once decides she wants something, wouldn't let go at all, she'd insist and move like a fucking panzer through the situation, destroying every obstacle – and he loves her for that, but the idea of having her handle or trying to handle  _that_ ... 

Altean culture had been wiped away when she was in her teens and she was a princess to a royal palace – golden cage, bell jar, all that drill – and Keith was very confident that her father had not enthusiastically explained all about sex to her. And, when they first kissed, it was more or less confirmed it was her first.

Or that Alteans have fucking resisting lips. And strong teeth.

Or that he ended up with a sadistic dom.

Anyways, his lip bled for two days and he had to tell everyone he slipped at practice and, ugh, the grin on Lance's face.

So Keith is pretty sure Allura barely had an idea how to do it – all of this supposing her lower floor sort of matched the other similarly human parts? Like Keith just realizes how many things he took for granted – in normal, reproductive-aimed conditions, and he was pretty convinced the whole “we have two sets of vaginas but I'd like you to think I have a dick” was... yeah, he is not eager to start explaining that. At all.

He sighs, deeply, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers, trying to focus on what to say or how or prepare himself for _that_ look. He knows it well: he had the delightful experience of seeing it already on quite many occasions: a classmate of his in kindergarten insisted that he was a girl and couldn't pee in the boys room – fucking watch me, Jane, I'll pee standing on everything you love – or the Garrison's doctor, whose eyes got all wide as he gave him a once-over as if his boobs could disappear into hyperspace in a moment, or... Shiro. Shiro didn't mean to look at him that way, of course. Shiro was good, and sweet and understanding, but of course he looked at him with such pity and misery in his eyes, that Keith felt like the most pathetic creature on earth.

When even your kindest, most perfect best friend fucks up the reaction, you're not eager to repeat the experience. And the thing is, Keith wouldn't blame them, because... how are they supposed to know what's the most comforting and less harmful thing to do for something that they never had to experience on their skins?

But it still feels like a burn under his skin, directly on his organs, embers pooling between his ribs, when he thinks of those pitiful looks.

He is not sure he could have borne it from Allura too.

Keith didn't even mean to confess to her, like it hadn't even crossed his fucking mind. 

Allura was... well,  _perfect_ ? 

Keith always had the grace of a bison when it came to words, but he is sure, had he actually cared for literature in his life, she would remind him of any love poem. He is sure.

Because he can't believe someone who writes poetry could look at her and not come up with anything.

Keith doesn't know to what to compare her skin or her hair or her eyes or her lips, let alone how to describe how he feels when she is around. He just stares, half-enchanted, half-terrified, because she is a bit too much for him to fully process. 

Problem being, Allura is damn smart.

Stubborn, a bit too much, and that at times blinds her, but damn smart.

So, it didn't take her ages to figure out he kept staring at her, stealing glances of her, as a drug-addict taken by the bliss of the high. Keith is fairly confident he had the most transparent face in existence.

He was not a good liar and she... made it all harder.

That night at the pods, he could remember the panic, the blood flushing out of his heart, frenetically, his brain shutting down, trying to find a reason to explain his presence down there right after having held her in his arms for a split second. She felt so soft, so warm.

His brain froze in that moment, and as she bent close to him, staring at him, Keith was not sure what held him together and still.

And, soon after the Galra heritage reveal, he lost all the hope he didn't know he had.

It hurt much more, maybe exactly for that: because he never hoped for it to happen and the situation still felt the need to slap him in the face.

And then, again, somehow... she came back. And she hugged him.

He could feel his hands trembling, as he held her waist, trying not to constrict her, trying not to pull her, and still, unable to avoid feeding off of that so longed touch. And, for a moment, he had the illusion Allura shivered in his arms too, warmly, tenderly.

… until it stung him the fear she could feel his crotch.

He held back until they were able to find Shiro again, but then, things rolled out and he was unable to focus on anything but her. All his mind could do was throw him back at her, at the soft way her hair moved on her shoulders, like liquid moonlight, when she untied her chignon, the way her fingertips brushed on the commands or the way her mouth moved, even as she yelled at them, with that certain softness he was not able to stop staring at.

And when she realized it, he couldn't lie anymore.

And when she realized it, and pulled him – she did, she did it all, of course, as the tornado she is – in for a kiss, clashing their lips together, Keith couldn't stop himself from holding her waist, bringing her close and sinking his tongue into her soft mouth. The warmth, the taste, her voice melted in little moans... it stirred arousal inside him.

And with arousal always came shame. Hand in hand.

He moved away, looking down, but she didn't allow him to stop and grabbed him back.

They went on for some time with stolen kisses and rough make out sessions against the castle walls, Keith unsure of how to control himself and Allura craving him closer and closer each day.

Until last night, as she pressed him against the wall.

“I want to feel you... closer.”

And... Keith feels very much fucked up right now.

How do you explain to your alien girlfriend what it means being trans? Like how do you even start that kind of conversation? He had it with humans... and it didn't go well.

He didn't even have the guts to tell the other paladins, exception made for Shiro; although he admittedly got close to it with Pidge, since the girl probably considers gender roles like the ultimate bullshit, or with Hunk, but... eh. He always bit his tongue before.

He is not even sure if Altean genitals... or genders or... Fuck.

He sinks his face deeper in his palm, wishing for answers to come before a migraine would start fucking with his head.

Maybe he should just stop it before.

It was a tempting idea: he wouldn't have had to explain, wouldn't have had to risk rejection, wouldn't have had to see her wanting to leave him.

The only problem being, Keith had never liked anyone that much before.

He did get crushes: a couple of kids in school, he did get a bit confused about Shiro for a while, but Allura... the way she pulls him, magnetically, he can't explain.

He never wanted to like her, he never wanted to need her. And her words were at times hurtful and her ways blunt and she always wants to be right.

But the idea of being without her, that feels like a goddamn black hole in his stomach.

The courage she has, her focus – she's stubborn and hungry for justice, she sees the world too black and white at times and he gets angry at her for it, but the way she fights for what she believes in, the way she wants to help... she has a drive. And Keith never truly felt alone with her.

He never felt heartless in her presence, because he knew she understood him.

And she fills his heart with that understanding, mute at times, but constant. And when she wavers, she comes back stronger.

He never feels empty-handed.

But she is right: they can't keep kissing like teens, stopping as soon as they feel they should go on.

His eyes fall on his chest, on his crotch...

He can almost taste in his mouth the disappointed “oh” she's going to make.

 

*

 

Keith was one of the lucky ones. Supposedly.

Skinny frame, lean, without much of a waist, boobs smaller than a middle schooler's. A lottery winner, wasn't he?

He never felt like that, though.

Of course Keith knew, rationally, that had he had Hunk's bodytype, huge knockers and all, he would have probably ended up cutting his chest open, but, well, that is such a vague notion when he still happens to think about it, from time to time, with just the little he has.

He remembers when they popped out, small like kiwis and still, a burden, to him, as heavy as a mountain. He stopped eating for a while, hoping they'd go away, but it just got his tutor worried and entered his foster home in a yelling competition about whose fault it was that little Corinne had stopped eating.  _Is it because you want to be skinny? Honey? Is it the fashion? You know you're a pretty girl, right? A very pretty girl!_

Keith remembers still how he returned to eat, slowly, forcing food down his throat, but how it still burns, at times, to let it down. He remembers starting to hit the gym way more and way beyond what all his peers, even at the Garrison would do.  _What a show-off. Sure, with all the training he does, he is not that muscly, is he? Eh, he's a fricking gook, man. Wasn't he a jap? They look all the same to me, dude._

Keith is not sure if it's fucked up how he sees being able to leave the gym before having sweat gush from your face or your lungs close to collapsing over your ribs as a privilege other men have. He knows it's the norm. He knows he is the flawed one.

Keith supposes he should just feel luckier than all those who can't pass, with rosy, swollen cheeks and feminine curves. His chest is almost gone by then, between heavy training and controlled eating, but it is still too much. Instead he can just focus on the hardness in front of him.

He can only see how big his almost flat chest looks like.

He can only see the void as he takes his boxers off and forces himself to not look in the mirror.

He can only see all that he is not yet.

Shiro, in that sense, helped him way too much – as Keith started the academy, it was Shiro who convinced the doctor to allow him to start hormone therapy, how useful it would have been for them too, for their ace pilot's mental health. It was Shiro who convinced Keith he could do it, it was Shiro who believed deeply he would have been able to make it. It was Shiro who, when they were in space, and Keith was freaking out, asked Coran to prepare him some testosterone shots, “for training”, and shot them into Keith's legs at night.

Keith, Keith was scared.

What if after the operations and all he still looked not the same as real men?

...He remembered he was supposed to think of himself as a real man too and felt like laughing. Yes, sure, how well it had turned out. Fully managed. 

The idea of waking up, looking in the mirror, and still seeing that difference, that rift, that gap between what he is and what he should have been... it's terrifying. It breaks his bones, it turns him to dust.

It's like training your whole life for the Olympics and then... you don't win, you don't lose either, you spend all of eternity there, swimming, with your hand a few centimetres from the pool ledge, tense as it’s about to touch it. And you never touch.

Your fingers never arrive quite there.

All your life stuck a few centimetres from yourself. Now that was hell.

He glanced at his chest... even after all of those months his hairs were so rare. 

Lance mocked him, as the first trace of facial hair popped out, saying he looked like a kid.

And he felt like dying.

But how to get angry at him? Lance didn't know what he was making fun of. He would have never, otherwise. How to get angry at Lance when he himself thought the same?

Ferociously so.

Shiro tried to talk to him after, to tell him it was just Lance being funny, that he was trying to make contact, clumsy as he was – and that, that Keith could understand, there was no resentment in him for Lance, he never saw him as a rival, after all, that was all in his head, but it was hard to even consider being actually close with someone so indelicate.

Keith knows he is blunt too, but... he'd never comment on someone's body.

Then again, maybe that was mostly due to his situation rather than his personality.

Sometimes he wonders if he'd be so closed up and silent if he didn't have to hide continuously – Shiro had, on multiple occasions, defined him “warm” or even “funny”.

Is he warm? For real?

Is he to Allura?

Or is he just lukewarm, unable to let himself be fully fire, and cooling himself down, trying to not fuck everything up?

Keith can feel his stomach close and clench up, as he remembers how he looked at Shiro as he returned.

Horror, of course, because his arm was gone.

Sadness, of course, because of all those scars.

Envy. Envy. Envy, sick and slick and thick.

Envy, because he was so much bigger and stronger, as he would have never ever been.

Envy, because not only he always had been blessed with the body he wanted but now it got even manlier.

And Keith never hated himself more than in that moment, staring at his best friend, traumatized, mutilated, and in the back of his head a sick voice would creep out and whisper.  _Look at him, look at how lucky he is._

Shiro was not lucky, not at all.

And yet Keith was unable to see it differently.

And he hates himself still for every time he wonders if Allura would like him more, had he had Shiro's body. Or. Or how he would swap his arm for a male body.

God, he would.

It is things like this that crawl their ways into his stomach, eating his insides and screaming into the devoured, excavated void:  _how much cruelty do you think pain allows you?_

How cruel is he being to Allura too?

Through silence, through lies, trough lack of trust, through the mere burden of being how he is?

Who would want a... thing in the middle?

She deserves a man. And Keith is not sure if he will ever have a right to be called one.

He wonders if Allura would leave him or stay next to him out of pity, disappointed and unsatisfied forever. He wonders which would hurt him more.

“Still training?”

Allura appears behind him and Keith turns, slowly. He is panting, sweat drops on his forehead, his chest going up and down frantically, struggling to breathe – fuck his stupid need to train bandaged – and his knees starting to stagger and totter with tiredness. He rubs his lips, as if that could take away the panting breaths.

Allura glances at him, then lowers her look, embarrassing thoughts tainting her cheeks.

“Ah, I, hm... was just...”

“...avoiding me?”, she suggests, with a small smile, raising an eyebrow.

As he said, damn smart.

She comes closer, smiling at him tenderly, moving a hand to his arms, caressing it slowly. Her hand feels so warm and soft.

Keith looks at it and almost flinches as his stomach twists. He stares, almost heartbroken, as the hand moves away.

“Did I come off as too bold? - Allura asks, playing with her fingers, nervous as he had never seen her, almost shy – I am not sure what are... terrestrial waiting terms on this type of matter.”

Keith shakes his head, “Most people would have.... already jumped on you, Allura, you did nothing wrong.”

She seems hurt.

“...don't you like me then?”

He moves to her and grabs her by the shoulders. The skin of her bare shoulders is soft like silk.

Keith forces himself not to think about the rest.

“It's just... it's me. I am not normal.”

“That I know already.”, she replies with a smirk.

A small snort, “...rude.”

Allura moves closer, catching his lips in a kiss and caressing his jaw. He lets her in, in his mouth, in his arms and she holds him close.

She parts, then caresses his hair, softly, “You are half-Galra, Keith, nothing can be... you know, more shocking than that to me. - she smiles, holding his face up – And we faced and overcame that.”

Keith seems reassured, he smiles at her and bends to steal another kiss. Allura smiles against him, she moves closer to him, moans against his tongue, enjoying how stronger his grip gets as she does, tighter on her waist, then slowly, he moves his hands to her hips.

“Would you escort me to my room?”, she asks, eyelashes fluttering, a seductive little smile on her full lips.

Keith smirks, “Only if I can carry you bridal style.” . Allura is way stronger than him but Keith still likes to spoil her a little.

“Hm. - she pretends to evaluate it – I think I can allow that, yes.”

“How generous of you, princess.”

Allura chuckled, “Are you flirting with me now?”

“Trying.”, he confessed in a brief, low laugh.

Locks of silvery white hair fall on her shoulders, as she tilts her head, pulls Keith close and whispers in his ear, warmly.

“You always think too much.”

 

*

 

Allura lays between the sheets like a mermaid between the waves.

Keith looks at her in mixed wonderful awe and utter terror.

His fingers trembled on her skin; his clothes felt like stone, heavy with the sweat and the need to disappear. And yet they were a shield – an armor and a prison altogether.

And Allura holds him tight. Her nails sink into his back through the shirt, while her voice melts into moans as sweet and as dense as honey. Keith grabs her and pushes his tongue in. 

Allura searches for him over and over, she shivers as he takes off her dress, which falls softly, leaving her full breasts exposed to the artificial blue light of the room. She pulls him closer into the kiss, and steals his breath and taste and grunts. 

And then Keith parts, leaving her to pant in need, her lips quivering and searching for his mid-air.

Allura blinks, trying with all of herself not to get annoyed. Her eyebrows twitch and she shows a nervous smile.

“So?”

Keith sinks back into her mouth, filling it with his tongue, making her arch her back and welcome him sweetly. She smiles into the kiss, finally feeling his hands caressing her breast, searching for her.

She felt so untouched that now her skin seems to catch fire.

She shivers under his touch, pulling him closer by the shirt, then trying to take it off and – Keith grabs her wrists and pins them down.

He looks angry, for a moment. Or scared.

Then his look softens and he smiles, almost shy, “Leave me in control for a change, boss.”

Allura raises an eyebrow, “Only if it's clear it is a concession from above.”

Keith leaves her wrists and moves his hands on her face and hips, caressing gently, while a cheery smirk raises on his lips.

“Transparent, your majesty.”

“You don't have to call me tha-”, Allura tries to object.

But Keith's lips are on her neck and she melts away. He places small, soft kisses, then starts sucking it, making her shiver and arch. Blood pools on her dark skin, sweat shimmers on her. 

Keith seems like he is going to drink up the blood from her neck and Allura closes her eyes and moans, her voice loud and yet so stranded, breathy, as he bites her throat. She sees all red and purple, heat pools in her groins, her skin begs to be touched. 

Keith stops sucking and biting just to do it harder, to torment the way her neck melts into her shoulder, to tease her blind and shaken. He chuckles and Allura flushes at feeling her legs warm, her crotch tickle.

Keith's hand caresses the breasts, full, velvety and smooth under him. He squeezes them softly, then flicks his fingers against the nipples. Allura bites her bottom lip, feels her hips twitching.

She can feel her nipples stiffing, almost hurting at the touch and yet craving more of it. Confusion made her tense and flushed.

… was she supposed to dislike it or like it? To feel ashamed? And yet seeing Keith smirking at her reaction just made her groin feel emptier, wetter.

It made no sense to a princess.

Her voice raises and then unravels as melted wax and shouted bliss as Kieth's mouth wraps around her nipple, sucking and pulling, keeping it between his teeth, then licking it gently, then again pulling it. She bites her lips and her eyes roll to the ceiling, as Keith sucks her boob, pressing his face into it, biting carefully and voraciously altogether the soft flesh, twisting the other nipple, making her jolt.

Allura's nails trench up Keith's back, through the shirt and he growls, biting her nipple as revenge but making her just shiver harder against him.

“Please. - she glances down, suddenly unsure of what to say – Low _er_.”

Keith caresses her waist, delicate, he grips her hips, mean, seeing her squirm.

And he wonders if he should speak and he knows he should.

But she is perfect.

Her stomach gently full, the curves of her thighs, the large welcoming hips, the perfect way her whole body was a harmony written by the sky, while he was an aborted junk asteroid …

He opens her legs and places his face between them.

Keith enjoys her trembling, the squirmy legs, the hands grabbing the sheets, the wet, tempted distress painted on her face. With a satisfied, elated, smirk, he takes Allura's leg on his shoulder and starts kissing and licking her.

At first, Allura protests, unsure. She knows humans could be different, but she's pretty sure that their reproduct- and then she stops protesting. A soft, low-voiced “oh” rolls from her mouth, like a droplet of unexpected bliss. Then her voice squirms into an acute moan, mouth agape and eyes wide. Her toes curl, the ankles shake softly.

Keith's tongue was fire, it was heaven skimming and brushing, painting her in pleasure.

He sucks gently the tip of her clit and Allura meowls, moves her hips inadvertently closer and Keith sinks deeper, his chin rubbing her entrance, while his tongue torments the soft, pink tip. 

Allura's hands cover her mouth, trying to constrict back the little fugitive moans as Keith's tongue smolders and burns her soft wetness. Her thighs are tormented by shivers travelling up to her most inner soft part.

Between cried out moans, she arches her back and calls his name, almost obsessively.

She can feel her spine turned electric.

There is a sharp, intense gleam in Keith's eyes, as his mouth is buried in her soft, white bush, his nose breathing in her intense smell as his tongue twists up against her needy flesh. 

Keith's tongue is big and warm, as it jolts against her softness in circles and then around and all over a spot. Allura feels her throat almost close, her jaw hardening then dropping. And, her back set on fire by sparks of electric bliss and need, her legs trembling against Keith's head, pressing him closer.

As if he could breathe her. Or devour her. Or both.

Her breath gets heavy against her hands, her eyes watery from the heat and moans she can't keep on a leash. Her bottom lip quivers as she lets the hands go and she uses them to clench the sheets, hold them tight, trying to regain herself.

But it gets harder and hotter.

Her knuckles get light, as she clenches the sheets, arches, her hips twitching against Keith's mouth. Her grip fails, powerless as his rhythm gets faster, tormenting her sweet clit now like a soft, needed slap. He takes it in his mouth and sucks it gently, Allura is speechless, at a loss of every word or strength. She bites her lips, begs, writhes.

The idea of him stopping makes her insane, all she can feel between her thighs is her cunt pulsing, tensing, needing.

Need rushes through her veins, bringing urge and haste – setting all her skin alight.

Keith licks her whole, now slowly, then again with the rhythm of before.

Allura feels her hips jerking. A white spark crosses all her bones and makes her arch her back and moan, almost exasperated, hoarse voiced, brought on the edge, her dignity blurred out by bliss.

Her nails sink into the sheets. Her eyes roll to the ceiling.

She loses her voice. Her wet juices run down her thighs.

Keith looks at her, enchanted, at how she trembles – how beautiful she is, trapped between her own moans and shivers, writhing under his touch. He closes his eyes and goes faster, circles and torments her clit, as if he had to melt it on the flames of his tongue.

And then Allura feels like she is going to... to shoot. To burst, to... she can't know. She can't describe it. Against Keith's hot tongue.

His movements become more and more insistent, almost stubborn, on her most sensitive and raw spot – she can feel heat pool and strive, push, electric through her flesh, growing and reddening.

She can't scream nor moan, her voice seems to have disappeared in her throat. 

She gasps, her lips quiver, her mouth agape. 

And no sound comes out from her wet, breathless lips.

She just melts, coming against Keith's eager tongue. He seems to want to drink her up or clean her but now it feels almost painful, delight pushed out of her so fast, bliss so strong, her skin burns oversensitive.

Keith moves away and passes to teasing her thighs, kissing them gently, softly, letting the steam and the electricity pass from Allura's panting face.

“Was it good?”, he asks, between cocky and shy.

Allura decides to be clement this time with her cheeky boyfriend, also because he is still between her legs and she likes how he glances at the view.

“Positively. - she blinks slowly at him, smiling – Am I like human girls?”

“More or less. - he mumbles, then blushes slightly, shy – Prettier, for sure.”

Allura chuckles.

“Can I... enter?”, he asks.

He is almost awkward but she doesn't seem to mind, she is still panting and open and wet and – he should tell her, shouldn't he?

He should...

There is no better moment for that, after all.

Then he licks one of his fingers and enters slowly, easily and smoothly. Allura's cave is sweet and slick, it swallows him well, a finger after the other.

Arousal stirs in his crotch.

He swallows and clenches his teeth, gritting them to pain.

Allura moans, moves against the fingers, her eyes roll in pleasure. She is almost drunk, inebriated by the sensation of being opened and filled – She realizes only then how thin Keith's fingers are. But still, as they sum up, they push through her entrance, claim the space as his.

She welcomes a third finger, feeling them moving fast, rubbing inside her and caressing her softness. At four fingers, Keith curves them up.

And moves them, slowly.

Allura moans, bites her lips, as warmth runs through her skin while Keith seems to be rubbing into her searching for something. His knuckles press against her entrance and wet drops drip from Allura's thighs.

Keith is frowning, his expression focused, almost frustrated. Pleasure leaks and gleams in his eyes, dark, strong. And yet there is something eager and hollow too, as he bites his lips and sinks into her, more, faster.

Allura's voice bleeds out, rains in bliss and smoldering desire. Her moans heighten and her hips twitch and bend as he starts pressing somewhere inside her that feels like fire, pure fire. 

She can feel herself throbbing, pleasure pooling, her walls contracting, her voice unravelling and letting out squirmy, lustful moans.

Keith almost smiles, smug, noticing how hard her hips bucked against his hand.

Control, though, is hard for him to keep, pained by the slowness he was imposing on himself, accompanying her through it. Guiding her, gently, despite eagerness pulsing and drumming in his brain, as he felt greedy and in need to pierce trough her. 

Allura moans harder, her throat drying, pleasure making her weak. Her knees tremble, about to turn liquid, while he presses inside her.

With every thrust Keith's self-control seems like it’s going to fail. His knuckles press, his fingers push, curl, caress her flesh so raw, so soft he loses himself in the sensation of her warmth.

Allura bites down a whimper, her insides feeling both weirder and more and more blissful. For a moment, she feels almost in need to stop, and then, then pleasure rides her into desperation.

Keith insists, sinking into her fully with the knuckles, pressing and rubbing on her spot as if he needed to milk arousal out of her.

And it feels wrong and hot and...

And then it's jolted pleasure, the waves of need and burn. Something charges her, dense and palpitating and throbbing.

She comes, against Keith. She squirts on him, wetting his hand and shirt.

He grins; arousal bolts in his eyes.

And she could even stop, but he is nowhere close to letting her go. He rubs her, from the inside with a hand and on the outside with the other, his other fingers tormenting her clit tip again, making Allura twitch and jolt. 

Her hips jerk insane, her legs filled with shivers, electric. 

She screams, moans, her head jolted back, back arched as Keith drags another orgams out of her, longer and stronger, and then another. Allura can feel her pussy clenching, needy, overwhelming pleasure streams trough her blood... oh but the idea of stopping kills her too. And her clit pulses overwhelmed by every touch.

At every orgasm, she screams and pours out.

She barely feels any shame anymore, as he presses more and more, she keeps pouring, pleasure cold and wet rushes out of her, shot from her cunt. And she pants in bliss. It feels unreal, like they’re underwater.

Keith's sleeve feels drenched against her flesh, but she can't find in herself enough lucidity to ask. 

She lost count, her cunt twitches, powerless and overpowered.

She can feel her muscles tense and relax, trying to keep the fingers in when they leave, but also needing more inside- something bigger, something stronger, something greedier to push her open.

And then Keith snaps.

He starts  moving in and out, faster and faster, so much that when he’s not inside that emptiness strikes her again. Her muscles tense and adapt slowly, as he pushes a bit more in, a bit deeper, claiming her space, wet and warm. Keith closes his fingers and pushes his whole fist in.

Allura's jaw drops.

She gaps, but there is not pain. Rather, she feels pleasantly pulled, blissfully torn.

All of her tenses and clenches around Keith's hand.

He pants, his voice lower, darker.

He seems like he’s going to apologize, but Allura won't allow it. She can finally see him sweating and aroused, grunting in need, focused on her and only her.

“Move deeper.”, she breathes out.

Her lips quiver with a wet moan. 

Keith smirks. Cheeky elation paints a smile on him.

He thrusts into her and she takes him in, tightening against his fist, her walls desperate to keep him in and have Keith break her open. And, oh, Allura feels so soft, tense velvet and burning silk.

She holds him in, she holds him tight, as he moves, faster and stronger, making moans roll out of her wet lips, one after the other, drops of desire.

Allura arches her back, as her voice echoes, free and shattered, a moan followed by hundreds, all drenched, needy, obscene remarks. She feels herself open and filled up at the same time, torn apart and yet finally complete. 

Keith takes her, greedy and strong, with a grin growing as his control loosens and his pace fastens, making his thrusts bolder, stronger, rougher. 

He can feel it.

He can feel the veins on his arms getting harder, stronger. He can feel her around his fist, how she clenches, how she shivers, how she comes against his fingers.

His stomach clenches, his crotch pulses too – he tries not to think about it, about how he's cut, how he is missing. He closes his eyes and for a moment, just one, as he thrusts his fist inside a moaning Allura, for a moment... he is thrusting himself.

Her incredible warmth melts him in aroused bliss.

Allura writhes, squirms, her legs shaking, begging for release and to be broken, as the fist sinks, slams and pushes against the roof of her needy pussy.

She comes again, this time barely any liquid comes out, but she can feel the thunder echoing through the very marrow of her spine and all her flesh is raw and drenched in pleasure.

She lays there, in awe, as the afterglow welcomes her to exhaustion.

Keith growls, grunts, thrusting again into her with a panted need. His eyes are still dark, when he lets his fist slip out, covered in Allura's cum, and he licks it clean.

Allura seems only then to notice something.

“Shouldn't... you also...”

She is not even sure how humans call their genitalia, to be fair, she never had the occasion to discuss it; but if she was not that far from a human girl, it was legit to suppose Keith would have had something similar to Altean males too, right? And she never heard of Altean males who'd spontaneously decide not to feel pleasure.

“I'm fine. - he pants, then rolling next to her – I prefer it like this.”

“Oh.”

Allura lowers her eyes.

She doesn't mind, of course, from a merely physical point of view. She is not even sure she could have... done much, given how completely drained she was, but... a part of her wants Keith to feel good too. She wants him to feel as good as she did.

Or, well, at least, partly.

She pouts but Keith opens his arms to welcome her in and she accepts. He smells of something sweet she can't recognize, but she likes it. It's less metallic and harsh than how most males smell, both Alteans and humans. She wonders if it's the galrean genes.

She frowns as she realizes how his chest is almost soft, like a child's, but she says nothing. He trains more than enough and his arms are really toned.

And Allura is enough self-conscious of her thighs not to question how her boyfriend's chest looks like, although she would have liked to see it, given they made love.

“What's wrong?”, Keith asks.

Allura is startled, realizing he was still well-awake and staring at her. Keith had a way to go unnoticed at times, like a shadow, to observe people easily.

He looks... shy? Doubtful even.

How could someone ever feel doubtful after how she felt... or were all humans that good? Thinking about Lance, she highly doubted it.

She sucks her lips, “I was thinking you smell good.”

Keith raised an eyebrow, “On my chest?”

“It's... soft? Like it's flat, not like Hunk's or Pidge's, but it is a bit soft, not like Shiro's...”

“Did you grope the whole team?”, Keith asks, with a sharp edge of bitterness in his voice.

Allura frowns, “No. But it is easy to see. With yours it’s a bit... it's a surprise, because it's flat but when you touch it it's not...”

Keith moves her away and sits up.

“You can go with Shiro, if that annoys you so much.”

Allura blinks. It was not like him to reply like that.

He was blunt, with logic or strategy matters, but there it just sounded so harsh for nothing.

“I like it. - Allura promises, not with her voice soft, but rather bold, as if she too got annoyed at him – I just... you're all dressed and I'm fully naked.”

Keith glances at her, pained.

Then he lowers his look, mortified.

“Keith. - she puts her hand on his shoulders – Is it... very visibly galrean?”

Keith blinks, confused, “What?”

“Well, you know... - she rolled her eyes, suddenly ashamed of her old self – I behaved badly with you when it turned out you’re... when we found out your origins, so maybe it's.. you fear I'd get scared?”

Keith bites his lips and shakes his head.

“It's not... furry or purple or stuff.”

Allura grabs him by the shoulders, staring at him, firm; and that just makes it harder for Keith to lie, but what can he do? He can't... lose her.

“Then?”

“I just feel more comfortable like this, that's all.”

He looks away and Allura knows he is lying, but something between how vulnerable she feels, totally exposed and still wet, and the way Keith looks so sad and stubbornly distant, makes her decide not to ask.

For the moment being.

 

*

 

At first, she considers asking Shiro. He is the most responsible one and, surely, if something is about Keith, he'd know the answer, but considering how close the two were, cracking him would have been hard and potentially impossible.

She then thought to ask Pidge, as she was not one to be embarrassed by informative questions, but then she realized maybe she was a bit too young and wouldn't have known the answer yet.

Lance was, of course, out of question.

Allura knocks on Hunk's door, surprised to find him immediately.

He opens the door, smiling, oil and dirt all over his face and welcomes her in. Allura can see a big engine he is working on on his desk and a lot of mixed materials, screwdrivers and hammers laying around on the floor.

“Is it an inopportune time?”

Hunk shakes his head, “Nah, it's a good call for a break.”

“What is it you've been working on?”

“Ah, it's a new security power source for the lions, in case something had to go wrong. Pidge projected it and I'm trying to put it together.”

Allura blinks, “You didn't tell me anything...”

“We wanted to wait until it was ready to inform you, you know, to avoid disappointing discussions if it didn't work.”

She clenches her hands, “...is it a habit of human men not to communicate with women about stuff?”

Hunk frowns and mumbles, “I'm not sure it's a gendered issue... and Pidge is a girl, so.”

Allura's eyes glance at the ground, as she clenches her dress with her hands, knuckles going white.

“I'm sorry, I...”

“Is it about Keith? - Hunk interrupts her – He is just a secretive guy, you know... I wouldn't take it personally. He is closer to you than anyone, for the matter.”

Allura's throat closed. A weird, sour taste rides her tongue.

She surprises even herself, as sharp words roll out of her mouth.

“Not closer than Shiro, though.”

Hunk blinks, “Well... that's because... he is his friend?”

“I am his friend too!”

“You are his girlfriend. - Hunk tells her, soft but firm – Some people consider their partners their best friends, but Keith seems like he hasn’t had a lot of... long-lasting relationships, if any at all. He probably just wants the opinion of another dude...”

She flushes slightly and Hunk can take a wild guess on the topic then.

“He seemed not... very intimate.”

Hunk tries to maintain his tender look, without showing Allura he had guessed and he just turns to grab some purple-fruit-water to offer her and gulps down some too.

“Maybe he just needs more time? I mean, he seems to like you a lot. - he pouts – Maybe it's because he is Asian, you know...”

Allura glances at him, confused, “Asian?”

“Ah, it's... like... the earth has many cultures on it and... well, let's say some cultures are more prone to communication through physical affection than others.”

“I see. - she frowns, perplexed, unsure – Hunk, may I ask you something? You will not judge me, right?”

“How could I? - he laughs – We are friends!”

She mumbles, fidgets, then takes the courage and asks, staring at him, dead serious, in the eyes, “Do human males have an appendix between their legs?”

Hunk tries really hard to realize that this is not the start of one of his hentai pornos.

“...yeah. We do.”, he replies, conjuring up all his self-control.

Allura seems to have gotten angry because she stands up and asks, bold and loud, “Then why didn't Keith use it?”

“TMI, TMI, TMI!”, Hunk pleads, putting his hands on his head.

Allura sits, irked, crossing her arms, offended.

Hunk sighs, “Allura, look, I... don't know. Didn't you ask?”

“He said he preferred it like that. - she says and as Hunk frowns, utterly confused, she points at him and says – Exactly! It sounds weird!”

“A bit... - Hunk admits, scratching his cheekbone, pensive – Did he drink before or... well no but we're too young for... - then he squints his eyes – Maybe he is insecure about the... you know...”

“The?”

Hunk gestures a bit, moving his hands back and forth as if to indicate some sort of tube. 

“I asked. - Allura shakes her head – It's not purple or furry.”

“That was not wha... nevermind. - he mumbles – If you want, I can try to talk to him, but... I'm not Shiro, I don't know if he'd tell me something like that.”

 

*

 

Now, when out of the blue, sitting next to him in the living room, Hunk turns to him, Keith wonders if he has something on his face.

Hunk stares at him and... at his crotch?

Keith stiffens up, trying to remember he packed and Shiro told him it looked okay and by then he was pretty confident about it. He checks himself, just to make sure it hasn’t moved, but... it hasn’t and Hunk is still staring.

“Do you... need something?”

Hunk seems awkward, then looks around as if to make sure everyone is away and moves closer to Keith.

“I'm sorry, man, it's just... - Hunk wonders how to make the thing as least embarrassing as possible for Keith – I've been a bit insecure about my... size down there, you know?”

Keith is relieved, partly, but he still glances at himself, suddenly wondering if he did too little or too much, if maybe Hunk noticed or. Or.

“Do you ever feel... insecure too...?”

“Hunk. - Keith swallows dryly, trying to fake a smile – You sound like you're trying to sell me a penis enlargement.”

“No, no, no! - he moves his hands quickly – Every penis is okay in his own way!”

Keith's eyebrow raises, “... Hunk, are you...?”

“No! I mean, not that there is anything wrong with it, if you were, we would still love you, but I, personally, am very straight.”

Keith blinks, “You think I'm gay?”

“Not ...specifically?”

Keith decides to focus on the compliment part in which he got so effectively not discovered that Hunk thought he was just a feminine boy. Not good but not as bad as it could have been.

“Then what's the deal?”, he asked, patience wearing thin.

Then Hunk figures out a way.

“I... I was considering, you know, moving to the next step with Shae.”

“Oh. - Keith blinks, then a bit horrified, wrinkles his nose – Oh.”

Hunk sniffs out some kind of doubt and acts promptly offended, “What? She is a beautiful girl.”

“I'm missing the part in which it makes sense that you are asking me stuff and not your best friend.”

Hunk sighs, “Would you ask Lance anything?”

“...okay, fair.”

Hunk mentally apologizes to his best friend but it was necessary to convince Keith.

“You know, I was wondering, maybe you too were...”

“... a virgin? - Keith blinks – No.”

“So you and Allura...”

Keith seems to get defensive, he frowns, his face gets slightly pink. He clenches his fists and only then does Hunk notice how small his hands are, how tiny his wrists.

“It's not really any of your business, you know?”

“Man, hey, I just want some advice. From human with alien girlfriend to... halfhuman with alien girlfriend?”

“ _You_ just have to stick it in and thrust, Hunk, it's not astrophysics!”, Keith stands up quickly – shame washes over him and covers his cheeks as he realizes how much emphasis he had put on the word “you” and how much anger brimmed in those three letters – and walks away.

Hunk blinks a couple of times, staring at the spot where Keith sat moments ago.

His voice did sound a lot higher all of a sudden. A lot.

“Keith!”, he stands up and tries to call him back.

Keith stops in the corridor, glances at his friend and sighs. He realizes he has overreacted and he is ready to say he’s sorry when Hunk half-throws him against the wall, pinning him.

Usually Keith would catapult him away without problems: Hunk is stronger than him but Keith has a good kick; but in that moment he is completely frozen. He perfectly knows where Hunk is staring.

His goddamn throat.

“...you have no Adam's apple?”

“I do! - he replies, his voice low again, but now it sounds like cracked glass one can see through – It's just small, not everyone has a fricking taurine neck.”

Hunk frowns, moving away slowly. He suddenly feels sorry for throwing Keith against the wall, but not for the act in itself, as for the- the invasion he feels he carried on. His eyes seem to tremble a bit.

With Pidge he figured but he managed to leave her the time to feel ready to say it.

Of course the fact she had a week in which she ate more than the rest of the month, got moodier and kept rushing to the toilet kind of gave it away... but Keith never did any of that.

For a moment he considers if maybe it's simply the galrean genes but... galra are huge and buff.

Not small and delicate and without a … looking better there is a very small bump there but barely anything. 

Hunk unwillingly glances down, on Keith's fame – he has a bit of a waist, but he knows some Asian men do have it too, but the hips are larger than a man's and Hunk remembers when at the academy they taught them some basics on forensic identification, in case some of them had to use that knowledge on their own comrades, they said the hip bones give a 95% accuracy on identifying the biological sex.

He had just never really stared at Keith.

They are not friends like him and Pidge are. They hadn’t spent hours together.

But Keith does have some hair on his cheeks, some riding his arms, but still.

“... are you...?”

“No, I'm not. - he half-roars, before letting him even finish, then lowering his look, feeling stupid and harsh – I'm not like Pidge, okay?”

Hunk moves closer again, he puts a finger under Keith's chin and glances down.

“You have a bit of an Adam’s apple. - he says, calmly – I'm sorry, I didn't see it before.”

Keith is unsure why Hunk would now try to dismiss it all. If it was some kind of kindness towards him, some gentleness, or if he actually saw something and decided to ignore the truth he didn't like.

Then Hunk, looking at him softly, mumbles, “I won't tell anyone.”

Uh. Then he guessed.

Of course Hunk was not as oblivious as Lance, but Keith didn’t expect him to exactly be informed about that stuff.

Keith bit his lip. He was not used to trusting people.

Not about that, at least.

Then again, Shiro had kept the secret and between all of paladins, Hunk was the one who was most similar to him. 

Hunk seems nervous and scratches his neck, trying to find something to say, but waits and Keith is not an expert in making tension less heavy. He usually makes things worse.

“So umh, do you... like...”

Keith blinks, confused, “Yes?”

Hunk seems to only then realize he should be careful.

And Hunk was sweet, but he didn't exactly handle the galra reveal in the nicest, softest way; sure, making jokes about it was better than ignoring him, but the whole stereotype thing didn't exactly help. In a way, the silence between them starved for warmth.

They want a contact and words, but they are left in fear of saying the wrong thing.

Hunk’s voice is drenched in doubt. A little gleam of frightened prudence in his eyes, as when you're about to handle something extremely delicate or small. A chick, maybe.

Keith didn't like to feel small. Or fragile.

He had never been.

Then Hunk swallows and lets out a small laugh, “Well, you fooled all of us, Pidge should have taken some note.”

_Fooled_ was not exactly the best expression he could have used, but Keith opts out of explaining trans men _do_ _not fool_ people if they pass to someone who has just discovered them. And how could he have told them anyway?

Or even just to Lance... they were close, no?

And Lance was not mean, but he had zero impulse control. Everyone would have known in a moment. And Keith knows Lance maybe wouldn't have treated him the same, given how... sweeter and more protective he got towards Pidge since her reveal.

He probably would just start making casual comments about it, well-meaning and disastrous.

And if Allura had discovered it from someone else...

“I, hm, thank you, I guess.”, Keith mumbles.

Hunk glances at him. He looks sorrowful but Keith is not sure why.

It looks different from pity. It looks closer, warmer.

“Look, I know you're not their biggest fan but... - Hunk looks away, almost shy, then at him again – Do you maybe need a hug?”

“Uh?”, he tilted an eyebrow. That was new.

“Well. - Hunk avoids his glance, embarrassed – With Shiro you are actually very touchy-feely, you hug and... I mean, he surely knows so... - he scratches his neck again – I'm wondering if you don't like hugs because you don't want people to know, rather than because of hugs themselves.”

Keith realizes just then that it's hard to know. It's hard to cut, to trace a line, to decode, to know how much of him is his personality, how much _that_ .

He can't find a perfect border or know exactly how. Things got mixed up at a certain point.

Of course he is not just  _that_ , he never was.

But maybe, maybe how open he is – how can he say for sure his identity didn't influence it?

Keith frowns, staring at the void between his feet.

“... I don't know.”, he admits.

Hunk's glance shines in a mix of genuine affection, although without full understanding, and sadness. He moves his hands on Keith’s shoulders and bows a bit, to be at his same height.

“Allura won't mind.”

Hunk doesn’t tell him to tell her, which Keith is thankful for because he perfectly knows he should. And Hunk seems to know he didn't hesitate out of selfishness.

...maybe they did get close a bit more than he knew.

“How can you know? - he sighs, in a grumpy, sour voice that sounds hopeless – She could mind and a lot...”

“I think she minds secrets more, Keith.”, he observes.

And Keith can't deny that.

He looks away.

Allura hates secrets. She is like him, or like he tries to be: blunt, open, honest, making up for how difficult and entangled life is by using the most clean-cut, transparent words.

Making things easy, allowing logical and rational decisions... just in order to do the right thing.

The right thing.

Allura was ready to die at first and he almost let her, for the right thing – he feels stupid now, although he knows he was right about the risks in saving her. But it was, he thinks, right then, in that moment, that he truly started admiring her.

He felt less alone.

In a group of people always worried about each other and so careful about not hurting each other’s feelings, Allura and him never lost sight of the bigger picture. They fought, they scratched, they cut through the team and each other at times.

But it never mattered.

The right thing and the truth do not always correspond, but Keith now knows that he is avoiding saying it just to protect himself from heartbreak. Not to cherish her, not to save her, not for anyone but himself.

And that's not the person, the man, he wants to be.

“I'll tell her.”, Keith mumbles, firmly, staring at his own, small, hands.

The veins riding on them... he remembers when they were delicate, like painted purple, while now they are indeed big, they also reshaped a bit. And he knows he is stronger than he was when he had started.

And, fuck, if there is one thing he is not it’s a liar.

 

*

 

He sees her and he hates what he sees.

She's laughing, and when she laughs Keith knows his knees get weak and he squishes his knuckles white, and she's putting a hand in front of her mouth and one on  _his_ arm as if to keep the equilibrium.

Shiro, who is perfect.

A specimen that looks drawn, a damn Belvedere Apollo with extra muscles because why not overdo, and that smile, and his stupid facial hair coming out in that five o'clock shadow Keith doesn't even know what it feels like. He knows his own facial hair, he can count them and it takes up just seconds. And he knows how small he looks compared to Shiro, he doesn't even need to think about... too late.

And Allura looks so _right_ next to him.

They look like they fit together. Like two motherfucking plastic newlywed decorations on a cake.

Keith feels disgust staining his mouth. Bitter, sour, the taste of his own defeat.

And the gap, the gap he felt, just opens a bit more and swallows him all up at once. 

“Keith! - Shiro turns to him, smiling, as if he sees nothing wrong, because he doesn't know, he doesn't realize what it means, - Allura and I were talking about you.”

Keith knows from how Shiro backs away slightly all of a sudden that his eyes must betray all his anger.

“Great. - he says, bitterly – Now I know what you were laughing about.”

Allura smiles and grabs his arm, bringing him close, and she's a bit too strong and especially a bit too sweet for Keith to oppose resistance.

“Shiro was telling me your secret.”, she says, cheerfully.

Keith turns to Shiro, his face pale, his heart drumming and screaming like a siren. He can barely hear, when Shiro, with a small chuckle, and an embarrassed look seems to correct her meaning as softly as he can.

“Hippos. I told her about hippos.”

Keith's blood returns to his face and he lets out a crooked smile.

“You're a jerk. - he whispers, croaky, but trying to make it obvious that he's joking – It was a secret.”

Shiro seems to get it, but his look is still apologetic. Allura clings to his arm instead.

“We can go on the blue moon of planet Soror. - she proposes, her voice tender and warm, as she caresses his arm, as if it didn't feel small and pathetic after touching Shiro's – I heard they had those in the waterfall forests.”

Keith's glance is still on her hand.

And his eyes feel too heavy to lift.

She feels so right next to him, but it is all a lie, a lie by omission but still a lie... and if Allura can't be into him as he is, how could he blame her? 

His voice trembles, dark and strained, “I have to tell you something.”

Allura frowns, confused. Shiro, instead, looks surprised, which makes her stomach burn – so he  _does_ know something Keith was hiding from her. 

He moves away, swiftly, “I'll... go see how the others are doing.”

“No. - Keith sighs – You stay here... please.”

Keith's eyes shine dark in a mute prayer and Allura holds him tighter, fearing. 

She remembers when Lance, once, jealous, scoffed to himself that probably Shiro and Keith were “doing it” and that was the whole reason they were so close... she trembles. Her nails sink into Keith's arm, who flinches, “Ouch!” .

“Sorry...”, she mumbles, lowering her gaze.

Keith's glance lingers on her, then he breathes in, licks his lips, bites them. Words feel like stones at the bottom of his throat, pulling him to a ground of silence.

There is a weight in truth he is not sure he can calculate.

All the muscles he doesn't have. All the centimetres in height he'll never have. The cock he can't possess. The Adam's apple he can't feel in his throat.

Minus a uterus he dried up with hormones but still keeps inside him – like a rotting reminder that burns him with shame – and his beestings and his disgraced, child-bearing hips. No, not minus. Plus. 

And he's not sure what weights the most: what is there or what is not.

But that weight burdens him more than it should, and Keith knows those handcuffs are too thigh and will cut through his flesh every day of his life.

He looks into Allura's eyes. Blue and pink, colors so soft, like petals of a flower one would be afraid to ruin by touching. And yet she's nothing like that: she's strong, she's powerful, she's all the magic of that dull, dark, homeless universe.

… but she looks so small, when she's scared. Like she needs him to pull her close and let her be weak and lost and scared for a while.

Like she needs to know someone else will take care of her like she takes care of everything.

Her lips quiver and Keith forces himself not to kiss her.

“I'm... - his eyes slip away and look in the void, avoiding Allura stubbornly – I'm not a...”

“You are.”, Shiro interrupts him.

And it seems to have a soothing effect on Keith but this just hurts her more.

Allura snaps, holding Keith tighter, “Can you tell me what's going on?”

“I. - his throat pulses, it feels all closed and stuck, he can feel his wrists too small, his arms skinny, he turns to Shiro, as if he had an answer – I...”

_I'm a girl_ was not the truth.  _I wasn't born a boy_ sounded convoluted.  _I'm trans_ would have made no sense to her.  _I'm incomplete, I'm a defective model, I want surgeons to cut into me and sew me back up and put me together with different pieces because every time I catch a glimpse of my body I have a 404 error message in my head dinging really loud because I think that it's not my body because it's girly and my mind insists I'm a boy and I fucked up because I fell in love with you and you'll never see me as real man after this and this shouldn't be happening and the idea of you seeing me, for real, makes me so scared and heartbroken but I can't bring myself to let you live that moment and go away because this fucked up little thing we have right now built on lies and confusion is making me feel at home and I have never felt at home before_ was... probably a bit too much to throw at her.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

“... I am like you. Down there.”

Allura blinks, blank, then her voice turns to metal.

“Excuse me?”

Shiro breathes in, curses internally for being there in the first place, witnessing that, but hating more being unable to say anything in Keith's defence.

Keith looks at the ground, then closes his eyes, “Some people, on earth, they... we, are born with a body that is not... the right sex? - he feels Allura's grip on him softening and his lips get heavier, but words, instead, by then spill out, scorching, bleeding from his mouth, an avalanche he can't stop – I tried to tell you, I wanted to. - he shakes his head – But I knew you wouldn't have wanted me and... I couldn't... I didn't want this to be the reason why it was going to end.”

“You're full of shit.”

Keith blinks, Shiro stares, speechless. Allura has her hands crossed now, she looks downright pissed.

“You made all of this scene, making me dead worried, just because you didn't want to tell me _this_?”

Keith raises an eyebrow, “...it is kind of important?”

“Who cares.”

“I care? - Keith suggested, half-panicking – I mean... you understand that my...”

“Keith. - she lets out a long sigh – I know you probably would have some... qualms, if I had been born with... well, whatever you have on earth instead of you, but that's you. I don't mind. Just because you dislike yourself, you can't decide everyone will agree with you. - she pauses and then shouts louder – You and your damn habit of deciding things on your own, always think and brood and never share. We're together, we need to cooperate to be one.”

His lips trembled, his jaw clenched as something similar to relief made his heart swollen and light altogether.

Her frown turns slowly into a smile.

“Trust me a bit.”

Keith moves closer and holds her hands in his own, “I'm sorry.”

“Forgiveness accorded. - she smirks – If you beg me properly.”

Keith bows slightly, his hands cupping then Allura's face and lifting it softly, she puts herself on her tippy toes and closes her eyes. 

Shiro coughs.

“Oh. Umh. Right.”, Keith mumbles.

“Can I go now? Since I'm like... useless and this is a bit... intimate?”, he suggests, with a relieved laugh.

Allura looks over to him, then Keith. She sees him swallow.

“Shiro has... asked Coran to help me with some...supplements.”

She blinks, “The training shots? - she seems hurt, but she swallows her pride for once – Those shots that Shiro had asked were for you?”

Shiro nods, “I... didn't want him to stop taking his medication just because we came to space. - he admits, feeling guilty – I'm sorry we lied to you and Coran about it, but Keith didn't want to ask and I, I couldn't see him feel bad.”

Allura sighs, breathes in, “You knew since a long time...”

“We didn't mean to hide it.”, Shiro says, softly.

Keith shakes his head, ashamed, “I'm sorry, Lura... - he bites his bottom lip – I, I just... I kept postponing the truth, like a child.”

Allura looks to the ground, she can feel something uncomfortable in her chest. She has been lied to, and she gets why, but right then, between her and Keith, she feels there is a space, a silence, a distorted limbo she never knew had been there. Keith had just knocked his walls down, and yet, now, that she could see the debris on the ground, she had just then perceived how wide and how tall those walls had been.

She latches onto his arm, trying to bring herself to focus on him, extending his hand towards her.

“Do... these supplements help you? Do they change your body?”

Keith swallows, “Not as much as I'd like.”

“...you will explain to me all that you may need for it to be as much as you want. - she says, firmly, taking his chin between her fingers and forcing him to look at her in the eyes – You won't shut up about it, we will talk. Altean technology surely will have a way of helping you. - her lips tremble – But don't lie to me again.”

Keith nods, weakly.

“Now. - she puts her arms on Keith – You owe me a beg for forgiveness. – then she looks over to Shiro – You can go.”

“Oh, thank god.”, he whispers to himself.

Keith blinks, frowns, stares down.

“Aren't you angry?”

“Yes. - she confesses, in a breath – But... - her fingers caress Keith's shoulders and his neck, they play with his soft, long hair – But after how I treated you for the galra thing, I can't blame you for being scared of telling me the truth.”

Keith smiles at her, kindly, his half lidded eyes looking at her with utmost tenderness. His hand goes to her waist, he caresses it and her hip.

“You apologized then, so I should have been honest. - he kisses her forehead, closing his eyes – I was just selfishly afraid to lose you.”

“Call me Lura again. - she asks, hiding her face against his chest – I liked it.”

He doesn't flinch this time as she leans on it.

 

*

 

This time, she sits next to him on the bed, caressing his jaw softly, as they kiss. She can feel the tension ride his muscles, as he opens his mouth, allowing her tongue in. His hands brush her side, gently, riding the curve of her hips, courting her waist.

Allura smiles into the kiss, sinking a bit further, almost falling completely in his arms.

He holds her so tight and close. His hands groping her soft skin, caressing the dark silk of her flesh, with an urgency all new, a haste slowed by devotion, a hunger tamed by awe.

He pulls down the soft frills of her dress, unties her corset and gets drunk off of Allura's fingers passing through his hair, pulling him down on her - he buries his face in the soft skin of her chest, smelling the delicate scent of her soft boobs. He captures her scent and knows he belongs there, somehow, somewhat, if he even can belong anywhere.

She holds him close.

She whispers warmly into his ear, “Can I touch you this time?”

Keith swallows, it's hard and it hurts his throat.

“I don't know...”

Allura looks almost disappointed, “One day, can I?”

Keith nods, “I... after I... maybe also before, I just. - a groan – I'm sorry, I make it so hard.”

She raises his face, “I'm not sure how humans work... - her eyes nail his own, mesmerizing, warm – But I never saw you as anything but a man and I'm not going to start now. - she smiled – For all I knew, you had some kind of weird tentacle down there.”

Keith lets out a small sound between a scoff and a snort.

“A princess shouldn't talk about tentacles.”, he warns her, before going down on her chest, caressing the curve of her breast and then lowering his lips on her nipples, grasping one in his mouth.

Allura arches and her voice melts into a hot moan. Keith's mouth sucks, nibbles, his tongue teases her nipple tight and red, while the other hand twists the other nipple, making her twitch.

“Then you shouldn't either.”

Keith frowns, confused.

Allura raises her eyebrows, making a know-it-all face, “...prince.”

And Keith feels a weird, gentle feeling inside his chest. He catches her lips, sinks into her mouth, tasting her again with his tongue, getting lost in her flavor.

She whispers his name against his tongue, muffled and moaned, closing her eyes and holding him tight.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> NOTES: I wish there was a deep reason for this, but I lit just wanted a fic with an ftm topping.   
> Fair warning: bad bed/coming out etiquette from Keith's side, but we will forgive him.   
> The title is from “Blue Moon” by Frank Sinatra, the lyrics at the start instead are from “Salt” by Bad Suns. The name Soror for the planet means “sister” and comes from the original “Planet of the Apes” novel by Boulle. The deadname Corinne means “girl, maiden” so I decided it was extra angst and that's how I picked it.   
> Thank you to my wife, my own princess, who gave me the courage to write this and publish it.


End file.
